Things Could Have Been Different
by SailorYue
Summary: [NEW TITLE] A Narrative told in Fai's POV about events in ch 120, and 124 & 125. [MAJOR SPOILERS]
1. If I had Done something sooner

**WARNING! DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT READ CHAPTER 120. EVEN IF YOUR A SPOILER ADDICT, YOU'D BE BETTER OFF IF YOU READ IT! If you would like to catch up go to the msn group: TsubasaReservoirChroniclesOnlineManga and catch up. THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING!**

A/N: Rewritten slightly for latest manga chapters. the only part I really changed was the very last part, so if you already read the frst ch, you can just jump to there otherwise, enjoy the story!

Disclaimer: I dont own Tsubasa Rervoir Chronicle. If i did, i would NEVER do something like what they did in ch 120.

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_Perhaps it was my mind trying to block the pain. I dont know, but moments after he tore my eye out, I thought back and wondered, would things have gone differently had I done something sooner? Something different?  
_

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_Ever since i first met him at the Dimension Witch's, i knew. I knew the boy known as Syaoran wasnt human. But that didnt matter. The feelings, the devotion and love he held for the young princess, Sakura-chan, was real. Pure. Syaoran-kun was a creation of some sort. But that didn't matter to me. But something was off. Something that had set my intuition on high alert. I decided that I would become closer to the boy, in order to get a stronger feel of this "magic" surrounding him, and figure out what exactly it was._

_But as we continued to search for Sakura-chan's feathers, I could never figure it out. that didn't much matter really because the odd feeling I got soon went away, or else I had gotten used to it. That is...untill we arrived in a country called "Tokyo."

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_

_According to Kuro-rin, it had actualy first happened when he and Syaoran-kun went to retreive Sakura-chan's feather back in LeCourt. But I didnt relize it at the time, mainly because of the country's magical defenses. I sensed a change in the magic surounding Syaoran-kun once we had found a place for him and Sakura-chan to rest in Tokyo. The magic seemed to be changing, something was breaking down. _

_Some time after a 'small' chat with Kuro-sama, I saw it for myself. The change in Syaoran-kun sent a chill up my spine. The look in this "other" Syaoran's eyes was cold and heartless. A mere puppet._

_ But shortly after, Syaoran-kun snapped out of it, confused. While Syaoran changed into this country's proper attire, I asked Kuro-tan what he thought of the change. I myself did NOT like it. But I couldn't tell Kuro-min my thoughts. I didn't want to tell him yet about what I thought had happened. _

_Something told me that it would happen again, so I had convinced Kuro-san to stay behind and watch over Sakura-chan so i could keep an eye on Syaoran-kun._

_----------------_

_ While we travel out into the desolate land, we end up fighting a mutant earthworm. Syaoran-kun and the others easily disable it. As they prepare the beast to take back to the city, the group talk about how Syaora-kun and this Kamui person are alike. But when the subject of the feathers comes up, it happens again. A change in Syaoran-kun. This "other" personality spoke and said that it must retreive the feathers at all cost. But as suddenly as it started, Syaoran-kun reverted back to normal._

_I could sense that the magic that made Syaoran-kun who he is, was weakening. This was something that I did not like. _

_

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When we returned to the city, Mokona sensed the feather from below the building where we were staying. The entrance way to the water reserve. A strange, familiar power emanates around us, coming from deep within the waters. Its the power from the feather. Syaoran-kun dived into the water. I couldn't help but just stare at the water. And when we saw BLOOD in the water, I sensed something had gone very wrong. I tossed Mokona to the nearest person and dived into the water. What I saw when I got to where Syaoran-kun made my heart skip. Syaoran-kun, or what ever he was now, was RIPPING Kamui's arm off._

_I couldnt take my eyes away from the scene. Kamui took a swing at Syaoran-kun, whose body was bleeding in several places i saw. I sensed the magic, a seal that was within Syaoran-kun's right eye was breaking. It was almost entirely gone by this point. A surge around Syaoran-kun causes all the water to dissipate. Sudenly a magic circle apeared near. I recognized it as Yuuko-san's. I knew then that another Syaoran was comming. The one taht THIS Syaoran had originated from. the seal, and Syaoran-kun's heart was disapearing, returning to where it originated from. I couldn't let that happen. No. Syaoran-kun's memories of Sakura-chan, and the bonds he's created, they were all precious. I couldn't allow them to be taken away, so i ended up doing something that i swore never to do: I used my magic.

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_

_ I used my magic to try to rebuild the seal within Syaoran-kun. Using my magic without my tatoo is dificult. Syaoran's magic is too strong, and he brushes my magic off. Suddleny, the remainder of the seal left the eye. Its in a form of some emblem, which Syaoran dropped. It rolled too my feet and I pick it up and study it. Its a strange black and white emblem, but before I could really do anything, Syaoran had walked up to me. There was nothing within his eyes. They were cold and souless. He had suddenly kicked me in the stomach. Sending me across the strange pillar.  
_

_Befroe i could move, Syaoran was nealing close to me, hand around my throat. The words that he spoke had made my insides freeze. "That eye is the source of your power. To get back the feathers i may need it." It had terrified that someone like him had figured my deepest secret. In those last secondes I tried one last attempt to save Syaoran-kun. By using my eye as a medium, I tried to implant the heart seal. Things seemed to have moved in slow-motion as I cast the spell, holding the emblem in my hand, i placed it over his heart. After that, all I knew was pain.

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_:cries: its done. it was quite painful neer the end to write that T.T WHY CLAMP!.? why take away those beutiful blue eyes?

anyways, I thank my 2 Betas, The Jenx and Suu no Clover.

Please R&R as i go stare at many images of fa's eyes, intact T.T

NOTE: I hope my tiny rewrite sounded OK :( i had to change it cuz it was revealed as to how and why fai lost his eye


	2. Wishes for Changes

Again, spoiler warning: this is events between ch 120 - 125.

**UNBETA-ED:** im posting this with out it being betaed because i awnted to beat the release of ch 126, otherwise my train of thought would end up being tainted. Trust me tho, I WILL get it betaed and ill repost the betaed edition :D

Disclaimer: I dont own Fai or Kurogane or any of the rest, but i LOVE their idea!

Summery: Fai's thoughts an POV during the events in ch 124/125 (theres more dialogue in this ch because this one happens in the "here and now" while the first one was "thinking back" )

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_I dont really remember what happened after that moment. I remember alot of movement, feling the presense of my own magic, crackling thru the air, and the smell of fire. The next time i was erally coherent was when i felt someone wrap a bandage about my head. I heard her words loud and clear, "...Not uncommon to die..." _

_That had hit me like a ton of bricks. I was going to die, because of my stupidity. I deserve it. Because of me, someone who has no soul is in control of half my magic. Even at half mast, my magic is dangerous. It took me years of training to gain proper control, something of which Syaoran-kun does not have. _

_I heard Mokona calling for Yuuko-san's help. Begging her to save me. I couldnt let them. If I were to live, so would my magic. Devistating even at 50. When I told them that, a loud crashing sound startled me. It was Kuro-tan. He was angry at what I was saying. "What kind of person would just resign himself to that?" he growled. The next second, he held me up, by my shirt, so we were face to face. The pain i saw in his eyes was powerful. All I could do was apologize to him. Then I slipped unconcious again._

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_My state of mind was strange. The pain kept me half-awake, while my loss of strenghth just wanted me to sleep. I dont know how much time had passed since I was face to face with Kuro-rin, but I DID relize that I was no longer lying on the bed. Instead i felt a large hand cradling my head, keeping it elevated and near. Kuro-chan was holdingme close to his body. I found it rather comforting, I almost wanted to slip back into the abyss, but the next words i heard stopped that thought. _

_They were planning to tun me into a vampire! By feeding me this Subaru person's blood, along with Kurogane's blood, I was going to be turned into this creture who will need to drink blood, mainly only Kuro-chi's blood. I had to try to stop them. Why couldnt they just let me die? But when I tried to voice my own opinions of my fate, Kuro-sama cut me off. He shouted at me to shut up, and i felt his grip on the back of my head tighten, forcing me to open my eyes and look into his._

_"If you want to die so bad, **I **will kill you. Until then, **live**."_

_What he said made my heart stop for an instant. It wasnt the words that startled me, for he's made threats at me before. No. It was the WAY he said them that got to me. With such conviction, anger, and heart break in his voice. I felt a warmth spread in my heart. I felt something that I hadnt felt in a very long time. I closed my eyes and smiled to myself. Perhaps there IS a reason to live. I just never realized it.  
_

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_The next moment, I felt Kuro-min tilt my head back slightly. I opened my eyes and saw the blood trickle from his wrist. It fell, almost in slow motion, and i felt the hot, copper tasting liquid hit my tongue. I would have gaged, had a large calloused hand massage my throat, forcing me to swallow the bitter drink. I felt the strange mystical magic from the vampire blood seep into my system. Looking into the crimson eyes above me, I began to feel the changes accure..._

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kyaa! That took me so long to get written! i procrastinated too much --;; I hope its good...Who knows, i MIGHT write ANTOHER chapter, perhaps about FAi's first feeding or something :D...it just depends on some good chapters. R&R and please be nice 


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